McHottie

Maybe I am a dirty old lady. Or perhaps I am a Cougar. If either of these labels apply to me, I am not alone. My fellow Swim Class Moms and I sit on the sidelines of the steamy busy YMCA pool and openly gawk and giggle over the 18-20 somethings who teach our waterbabies the finer points of doggy paddling. And it can't be helped, or ignored, that our favorite lifeguard is a serious Matthew McConaughey doppleganger. Sleek, muscular build, golden hair with a slight curly wave to it. And the dimples. Oh me oh MY those DIMPLES and that super-star bright white smile. Gillian asked him a question one day after class during playtime and my friend Melissa snapped a pic. I'll have to post it so you all can see what I mean.
And you'll recall that Gillian has embarassed me plenty of times during swim class in the past. These days, I don't much notice WHAT she does (as long as she leaves me alone and listens to her teacher-cute boy or not!) during class. I am otherwise distracted. Does that make me a dirty old lady? Who cares! I used to DREAD swim class! Now I look FORWARD to it!!!

I am going gluten-free for the next six weeks. According to my research gluten can not only be a trigger for headaches, it can also make existing headaches worse. Six weeks is enough time to get my system wheat-free and if I get a headache during that time, I'll know that gluten is not the problem. Now, just because I get a headache does not mean that I am gluten-intolerant or Celiac. For one thing, no on else in my fam has a gluten problem (that we know of, anyway) so that is an automatic indication that I don't either. But I am prone to devastating migraines and headaches that last for days on end. I am willing to do anything to stop them.
I started my experiment on Monday and so far, no headaches. I had a set back after my first gluten-free dinner, tho. It wasn't until about a 1/2 hour after my wheat-less Chinese feast that I realized I had gobbled down the fortune cookie, which is of course made with wheat flour. Oh well. I have done much better since then. Tuesday through Thursday have been wheat-free for sure. Thanks mostly to my friend Tiffany who is Celiac. She has been a wonderful guide, filling me in on all the gluten-free options when I go out for a meal or when I go grocery shopping. Thanks for all of your help and advice, Tiffany!!
Three mostly GF days down, only 38 to go!!

Weekend in Columbus, Oh

Mom, Gillian, NanNan and I took off for Columbus, OH this past weekend. We spent 2 nights and 3 days at Beautiful Casa de Stacey-my Aunt Gwen and Uncle Ronnie's house in the 'Burbs. Gillian had a great time exploring the house and the neighborhood. Holt Park,the planned community my aunt and uncle live in has a very Stepford look to it. Each yard has the same alotted acreage. Homeowners have their choice of one of 5 or 6 designs for their abode with all white siding but they can pick Colonial colors for the trim and shutters (if applicable). Residents can make changes as such as major renovations and additions. There is no street side parking. Holt Park gorgeous! Gillian loved the playground and lake in the middle of the 'hood and we are planning another visit to celebrate the opening of the pool on Memorial Day.
On Saturday, Nans and I went to a place called The Floral Factory. It is a big warehouse-type store that sells only to businesses. We just borrowed Gwen's pass (she got hers thru her friend's floral shop). Nanners got a buncha stuff for her Sunday School class' Mother's Day project and I picked up some delightfully wholesale-priced jewelry as well as supplies for Gillian's 6th Bday party (SpongeBob-themed, of course) coming up this summer. After the Floral Factory Nan Nan talked me into going to 2 thrift stores. Man, the stuff city people get rid of! At the first Salvation Army alone I found more vintage jewelry (a passion of mine) than I have ever seen in one spot. There was a STUNNING Scarab watch (circa 1972) that I coveted big time. AND a to-die-for sterling silver turquoise pendant that my Mother-in-Law would have loved. And even tho I was offered a great deal for both, I decided to pass. Money is a bit tight right now. I did, however, pick up a gift for my sis' bday in September. The second store didn't have as much to offer although I did grab 2 cute tee shirts to work out / clean house in. OH! I found a hardback copy of Michael J Fox's first book ( I have yet to get his latest), Lucky Man. I have the paperback already, of course.
The rest of the weekend was spent laying low and hangin out with Gillian and the rest of the family. We had a crazy, fun weekend and it was nice to get away but I am glad to be home and I am even glad to be back at work. Well, if you can call blogging on company time 'working!!'

Talkin to Myself

I'm a talker. It's what I do. I talk to fill silences, I talk because I have a busy brain and there is a lot goin on in there. I talk because I like to share the wacky events that could only happen to me and my loved ones. But I listen as much as I speak. I like to connect with people. It's one of the reasons I am so good at my job. I have to be able to listen to what others are saying, to be able to respond properly and helpfully if the moms in my office or on the phone have concerns.
I have been 'spoken to' on numerous occasions about my excessive talking. If I am speaking with a coworker for more than 5 minutes,albeit almost always about work-related issues or clients, I am the naughty one who gets reprimanded. Ummm, was I talkin to myself, here? Every day for the past 2 weeks I have been cloistered in my office, self-exiled. I make a point to look extremely busy and overwhelmed. Luckily, I have the privilege to shut my door (usually a violation of policy) because it gets really busy and noisy in the hallways at times and I can't hear when I am trying to make follow-up phone calls. If I have been particularly quiet, the site manager (the same busy-body who has threatened to write me up for talking) feins concern. "It's just not like you," she says. For the past 3 days I have been locked away, working like a busy bee. I took the opportunity to file some paperwork in charts which are located in the reception area. One girl, M was relaying the events of her bachlorette party. I also needed to speak to D, who was on the phone with a chatty client. So I waited for D, file in hand and listened to M's delightfully drunken tale. Suddenly, SM (site mgr) bustled in and demanded we all get back to work. I was immediately hustled into her office. I am talking too much again, dilly-dallying even. I can't just stand around talkin.' I have to find something to do bc the Regional Mgr has been known to make pop-in visits. LIE! I know that isn't true because I have worked in this office for almost 2 years and that lady never shows up unless she is on the schedule. If she isn't on the sched but planning to drop by, she actually calls first. I didn't even bother to defend myself. Clearly, I am some sort of instigator of negative communication and it has to stop. I didn't bother to note that I had not even spoken one word during this instance, nor did I bring up that I was filing paper work and had a question for D. I just let it go.
I have defended myself in the past, but clearly I am a bad girl, the one to watch out for. I have no idea how I got this rep or what I did to deserve it. It was my belief that it took at least two people to have a conversation.
Guess I was wrong.

Beans+Ving=TLA

Gillian has been listening and follwing rules much better these days after swim class. She has been so good that I let her play an EXTRA 20 minutes last night in the pool. I should have known that would give her plenty of time to cause a ruckous!
There was this BIG black guy-I'm talking Ving Rhames huge-hangin out in the kiddie pool keepin an eye on his own youngun'. Before I knew what was happening Gilly was LITERALLY crawling allll over the guy! I was scanning the pool for her and didn't see her anywhere! I had noticed the black guy with the very white kid buggin him but didn't for one second think it was Gillian! Then I happened to notice that it TOTALLY WAS my kid! I yelled at her to get off of him! "You don't even KNOW that man!! GET OFF!!" Seriously, she was scaling the guy like she was King Kong and he was the Empire State Building. Melissa, the mom I have befriended during class said she had taken a few classes with him at the Y and that he was a great guy and he probably didn't mind. Eventually Gilly Beans left her new playmate alone to go play. But less than 10 minutes later I saw her splashing Ving Rhames again. She was stomping her feet and making HUGE waves. I yelled at her again, trying not to laugh. I was SO EMBARASSED! Ving said Gillian was okay, but I could tell he was trying to relax while his son played with friends elsewhere. Everyone in the pool area was pointing and laughing at the duo. They were quite a sight of contrasts. He was large, solid and dark. Beans is so tiny, wispy and stark white. But for once, Gillian was oblivious to stealing the show. She obviously just wanted to be this guy's new bff!!
I have no idea why she targeted the Ving Rhames doppleganger. There were plenty of other daddies in the water for her to play with. Other daddies who were playing and having fun. This guy was clearly hoping for a bit of alone time. Maybe that is what drew her to him. Gillian still doesn't really socialize with other kids all that well. She will play for a few minutes then go do her own thang. Perhaps she saw the loner in Ving and decided they were kindred spirits. She thot he would understand her. "Get"her.
More than likely, tho she just was being her weird, goofy Beanie self. And Lord knows I stopped trying to figure out exactly what that means a long, long time ago. She is whoever and whatever she is and I love her for it. I'm willing to bet, though that next time, Mr. Rhames will hang out in the deep end instead of the kiddie pool!

Hot Dogs? Or ....?

I saw a sign promoting a hot dog sale today. Now in this region of South Western WV, the weiner and bun combo is a much cherished tradional fare. There are probably more restaurants serving hot dogs exclusively in and around Huntington
We call my backdoor neighboor "The Farmer." All year long, The Farmer has a full garden in our adjoining backyards. My family and I often partake in this cornucopial bounty, as The Farmer is very generous with his crops. Corn, green beans, snap peas and-my fave-fresh homegrown asparagus. Oh man, the asparagus. Homegrown asparagus tastes so much better than the half-dead grocery store stuff. Straight from the ground, aparagus is sweeter, crisper, and it's color is a much more vivid jade green even after cooking.

It was recently revealed to us that The Farmer also has bee hives "out in the country." A few days ago, he graced our family with a jar of honey, just culled early that morning from his hives. I was so excited, I requested Brian make a fresh batch of iced green tea (he makes it so much better than I do). Gillian bounced into the kitchen as we were drizzling the glorious golden goodness into the tea maker.

"What is that?" she asked, her brown eyes full of curiosity.

"Honey." Brian and I said simulatneously.

"What is that?" She repeated.

"Honey." I said as I played with the spoon in the jar, making pretty patterns w/ the syrupy strings as I added more to the tea maker.

"Momma. What. Is. THAT." Gillian pointed to the jar.

"Hon-ey." I said slowly and directly.

She sighed and tossed her back in frustration.

"Momma. What is in THAT jar?"

I stopped and tought about my answer. Seeing no alternative I once again stated simply and slowly,"Hoonnneeeeyyyy."

Gillian stared at the jar in consternation. Then she turned those huge, soulful eyes to mine (which are hazel and not brown, I would like to point out). "Honey, what is in that jar?" she finally asked.

Brian and I just burst out laughing, which made her laugh, too, although she didn't know why.
I guess she thought that Brian and I were correcting her (as we sometimes do), making her address us as "Honey," before we would answer her. Much like we ask her to remember her pleases and thank yous!

I abandoned the spoon in the jar and scooped up my silly, funny almost-six-year old little girl. When I stopped laughing, I explained to her that in the jar was HONEY from a bee hive and that the farmer had given the jar to us a few mintues ago. Gilly knows that bees live in hives and make honey (probably thanks to 'A Bee Movie'). She had just never seen it in a jar before!!
, WV than there are trailor parks. Well, maybe not. And hot dog sales are Huntington's version of the bake sales We have girl scout car washes. AND a hot dog sale. The local Fire Station has Fire Safety Day. AND a Hot Dog sale. Local businesses give the dogs away as promotion events. So a hot dog sale, even on a cold blustery rainy day like today is not such an uncommon sight. What was unusal was todays sponsor. It was a local TAXIDERMIST!!!!! The question is: WHAT WERE THOSE WIENERS MADE OF??????

Monster in the Pool

Gillian was awful in swim class last night. Well DURING class she was awesome. Afterward, the cool mushroom fountain was turned on in the kiddie pool and the younguns were left to run wild. I told Gilly she had 10 minutes to play. An HOUR after screaming at her, a random dad heaved her out to me w/ a massive eye roll and an exasperated sigh. Well, excuuuuse me for being dressed in work scrubs and tennis shoes. Had I realized that my rotten kid would have me hollerin @ her like a red neck hillbilly, I would have worn my red string bikini and belly button ring along with all of the other inappropriately- dressed-for-their-botox-desguised-age doctors' wives (you can't botox tummy wrinkles! Gross!). But as luck would have it, I left it at home. Also, thank you very much sir, for getting my rebellious hell-child out of the rich-kid pool. I appreciate it.
Not only did I already have a PMS-induced migraine before I even arrived, I realized that a former arch-enemy also had her son enrolled in swim class @ the YMCA. This woman, we'll call her Kay, wreaked havoc upon my heart AND social life in HS and college by repeatedly stealing the one boy my tender teenage heart longed for. Now don't get me wrong, I can absolutely let bygones be bygones. I am waayaayay over that boyfriend-stealer. But I AM still a woman. And we,as an entire gender, are preter-naturally competitive. I noted with a heavy heart that Kay's cute-but-not-as-cute-as-my-kid son was in the class one level above Gillian. I also couldnt help but compare my 5'7 currently plus size frame to her slender 5'11 athletic build. Ugh. After class, her son reluctantly exited the pool with a minimal amount of threats. Double Ugh.
That evening, Brian had to shoot me up w/ imitrex to treat my raging 'sick-headache' as Gillian calls them. I was out by 9pm. On a happy note, I had delish dreams about Nathan Fillion. I think it was bc i was bummed about not being able to stay conscious for Castle. It wasn't a sex dream er nothin.' There certainly was some lovely, lovely kissing and flirting tho. He was just so sweet. I think he was pretty much Brian with Nathan's face. Whatevs! I know I woke up with a smile and I certainly did not go to sleep that way!!!

Dangerous Distraction

Speaking of shiny distractions: there are digital billboards all over town featuring MICHAEL J. FOX!!! I am pretty sure that I just may cause a mega-car pile-up due to those alarmingly beautiful advertisements. Michael is promoting something about his MichaelJFox.org website. I can't tell what the actual message is because I'm so focused on HIM. He's all cute and dressed up with his arms crossed. I JUST CANNOT TAKE it!!
Alien ships could descend from the sky, take over the world right then and there and I would never notice if I were stopped in front of one of those billboards.
For those of you who know me, and know me well, my MJF obsession is embraced, understood and encouraged. To those of you who are new to the world of Summer, let me explain. My devotion to Michael is completely pure. I caught my first glimpse of him in a relatively awful flick called Midnight Madness when I was in the third grade. And that was enough for me. I have followed his career from before Family Ties all the way thru those offbeat movies he made in the late 90s, back to Spin City and I try to catch every appearance I can now(yes, I saw him on Oprah yesterday). As I have previously said, MJF IS on my elevator list but I dont think of him LIKE THAT. I simply admire him and think he is the cutest, dreamiest guy on the planet. If I ever met him I would throw up and die. And I mean that in the best way possible!!
So if you find yourself in the middle of a multiple vehicle accident look around for a digital billboard. You just may see me at the front of the pile-up. I'll be the one smiling and blowing kisses at the irresponsibly distracting 100 ft tall Michael J. Fox.

The first thing you should know about me is that I am severely ADD (I purposefully leave off the H-hyperactive-as I am very very lazy so I feel that the old-fashoined plain-ol ADD suits me better). The second thing you should be aware of is that I choose not to take medication to treat my ADD. I have tried them all and I am not a fan of them. They transform me into a cranky zombie with a raging migraine and sleep deprivation. So, here I am going thru life distracted and silly and 100% totally me. My first priority is, of course, my daughter. Gillian is my very best friend and I love discovering new things about her every day. My relationship with Brian truly is amazing. He came into our lives when Gillian was about 16months old or so and he was a wonderful, dear friend to me while I was going thru my divorce. He also happened to be my BOSS at the time! I like to tease him that now I'M the BOSS! Brian is kind, loving, and attentive. He is everything a man should be and so much more.
My job is very very important to me. I have wanted to be an International Board Certified Lactation Consultant from the moment I nursed Gillian for the first time. I currently work in the local WIC office as a Lactation Specialist. Everyday I work I am a wee bit closer to my goal of IBCLC. I encourage pregnant women to breastfeed and I offer support to those who choose to nurse their babies. Having said that, I am only mildly nazi-ish about the subject. I try to be understanding when mommies wean their babies. I CANNOT, however comprehand women who REFUSE to even try it. I don't see breastfeeding as weird, disgusting or sexual. I think it is unfortunate that society has forced our mothers to feel that way about the most natural of aspect motherhood. I would NEVER say a bad word to a mommy who chooses not to nurse (not to her face anyway!!).

I am celebrity-obsessed and I watch waaayyy too much tv. My nightly news is E!NewsDaily. I can catch up w/ Robin Meade in the mornings on CNN for the other stuff. Michael J. Fox, Christian Bale, Rob Thomas, Sendhil Ramamurthy are the tops of my 'elevator list.' Nathan Fillion is a recent addition to that list of lust. Brian understands that if I am ever stuck in an elevator with any of the guys on that list, that I am to be issued a free pass. Hey, he has Eva Mendez. He is free to add more to his list but he is loyal to his Eva. Loyalty IS important in a man!!
I'm off to work now. Gotta talk about babies and boobies!!