Alternate Universe

Hillbillies, Hilljacks, 'Hill people' in general. Beat up trailers, stained denim overalls. Death defying curvy roads and steep, remote mountains. When outsiders (such as 'city folk' from other states) think of Appalaicha those are undoubtedly the images that come to mind. And while that stereotype is unfortunate and not 100% accurate about Wild and Wonderful state of West Virginia as a whole, it is pretty much spot-on with much of Lincoln, Co, WV.

Please take no offense to my statements. I mean no disrepect to anyone. I myself "summered in Lincoln Co, WV" as my wordsmith lil sis often states. I happen have a different point of view about the rural county. It is my whole-hearted belief that Lincoln is an alternate demension altogether. A parallel universe at the very least. There is just NO WAY that the occurences that I have been witness to over the years can possibly happen on this plane of existenece. Case in point: Gillian and I were cruisin' out to Nan Nan's Branchland abode to deliver some groceries and spend some quality time with the matriarch of our family. We went the route of The Dairy Road, a long and twisty stretch that is one of many suspected portals into the next demension. We were hurling along, playing roller coaster when suddenly I was forced to slam on the brakes. A farm tractor had materialized out of nowhere (very Twilight Zone for sure). So our zippy fun had turned into a slow Sunday drive along the country side. In the near distance, I noticed a strange looking dog running thru the yard of a farmhouse. This medium sized, rather thin-yet-bulky dog was running awkwardly, but kickin it into high gear for sure. A gawkey teenager was chasin' the dog. The kid was slipping and falling on the rain-slick grass. A little further down the way, I could see Mrs. Farmer standing beside a chain-link animal pen with a fuzzy lamb nuzzling her shins. The lady was hollerin' at her son and the boy was laughing as he tripped and just could NOT get footing on the wet ground. As they came closer, I realized that the kid was not chasing a dog after all. He was after the MOMMA SHEEP! I have NEVER seen a sheep run! In fact, I have never seen a single sheep at all, usually they stick to pack formation as far as I knew. But this wooly gal was SPRINTING! And I swear she was smiling as she looked back and saw that her captor was NOT keeping up! No wonder that dog looked odd, she wasn't canine at all! She was livestock! Gillian and I were laughin our heads off at the sight. We were rooting for Momma Sheep to win the race.

Then when we finally got to Nan Nan's my dear gramma offered me a fave treat. She has these wonderful, cheap yet delish suckers that she keeps for her Sunday School class. After just a few licks, half of the candy fell off its plastic stick base. I peered at Gilly Beans thru the hollow stick like a telescope. I went to put the candy back in my mouth but something made me look at the sucker before I did. I dropped the thing and screamed as my eyes beheld a terrfying sight. There were hundereds of little black ants pouring out of the sucker stick. The very one that I just had up to my eye, the SAME one that I was about to put in my mouth. The creepy critters had NOT been there seconds ago. How did so many get in there so fast?
The only reasonable explanation? ALTERNATE UNIVERSE!!